YOU ARE SERVED.

   HI JACK !

   The Bill
   is not mine
   neither is the wine
               THE MENU TO-DAY
              its oot
              before we cast a cloot
              in the month of May :

              First course
              not of your choice
              its on the house
              soup of mushroom.

              Main dish
              any oven-proofed roast
              buttered potatoes
              onions and tomatoes.
              Finally followed
              by the dessert
              lightly scrambled
              apple crumble.
              When it arrives                        
              every little scap
              is scraped off the plate
              eaten for custard comfort
                               DAVID FEE.


     Thrown into a melting pot of love
     they drop the gun and run
     in the slippery honey
     leaving only a few in the stew.

Well, now,
she said
fiddling with her garters
as she ordered her starter.
Who is hungry?
Who is angry?
Ah,we have nae idea,
but feel free
tae start with a pot o’Chinease Tea?
or is that wrung?
Aye, ye ur certainly wrung
we are then finished instead o’beginning
if ye don’t then ye’ll get your just desserts
they come at the end
and that’s all in the mind
or on the menu between you and me:
Indian or Italian
Chicken or soup
with plenty o’Veggie

Vegans don’t give a damn
about lamb.
Desperate Dan would starve
he loves spam.
Big hairy man
so what about the wine? 
Ask Derek.     

                    JACK WITHERS
   I know this very lonely guy
   whose name I will not mention
   he is really needing someone soon
   he can love and give attention
  The reason he is in such a mess
  and it is really a shame
  I know he used to drink too much
  so its alcohol to blame

  He hasn’t drunk for some time now
  and he is trying to make amends
  to all the folk he hurts the most
  that’s his family and his friends

  He’s scared to go and socialise
  and he stays in all alone
  He’d really be in no man’s land
  if it wasn’t for the phone

  He laughs, he jokes, he mucks about
  tries to give a good impression
  and to meet him you would never know
  he suffers bad depression

  I know the thing he’d like the most
  and if it isn’t too demanding
  is to forget the past and find someone
  who’s got love and understanding
  I hope this happens very soon
  and here is the reason why
  he deserves it ‘cos he’s tried so hard
  and deep down he’s one find guy
  The reason that I know all this
  why he’s wanting off the shelf
  the guy that I have just wrote about
  is no other than myself 
                         DEREK ROBERTSON
            TV MENu
        Cookery schools
        kitchen stools
        talking chefs and guests
        all have heard of Fanny Craddock
        the first food guru
        to lively fry haddock
        READY for this one
        STEADY the nerves
        COOK travelled the world
        lets change the course
        too many food programmes
        spoil the broth
        Nothing get done
        around the family house
        the radio is better for the ironing
        no need to look up
        its death to the couch potato




One thought on “Menu

  1. My goodness has everyone forgot the Nut Roast at Burns night,neeps and tatties and wee dram,now that was a meal to savour and remember.Otherwise i tend to agree with Jack,us veggie’s are just health freaks,Ralph Genis Esq.&Goldfish Langside,Glasgow CHT

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